Ask Holly: Is Britain full?

Dear Holly,

You try to go on a journey during rush hour and have to abandon it because there’s too much traffic; you go into Tesco and they’ve sold out of tin foil; you try buy some nachos at the cinema have to queue. Am I alone in thinking this, or is Britain full?  Most importantly, I needed that tin foil to protect my head from all the Wi-Fi electro-smog. I’ve left a coded message for Uri Geller but I think ‘they’ have got to him already. Please send help.


Location classified

Dear Noel,

You are right – there is no room in this country because the celebrities are taking it all up with their mansion houses, golf courses and helicopter landing pads. It’s all a simple maths problem which I can solve with Key Stage Five addition and subtraction, we just take their stuff and divide it among all the poor people. Either that or we have a revolution like in The Hunger Games where everyone shoots each other with arrows.

Hope that helps,