Ask Holly: I’ve realised that I am the Greatest Living Evil Genius in the World

Dear Holly,

The other day I realised something rather profound, and that was that I really am the Greatest Living Evil Genius in the World; the Supreme Malicious Puppet Master of Humanity; with all you stupid British in the palm of my hand and and yet I don’t make the most of this. I’ve decided to get a sinister black uniform and a swivelly chair and a highly-strung cat who I can stroke malevolently whilst doing my evil deeds. But do you think Jerry Hall will still fancy me if I do?

Rupert M

The Secret Lair

Dear Rupert,

Whatever you do, don’t bother asking to watch Ben and Holly’s Magic Kingdom on the TV or play on the CBBC website just now, because all the grown ups have suddenly become obsessed with the news and they are hogging all devices, only looking up to argue with each other about who is responsible for the terrible mess we are in. My granny says that, long long ago, people used to educate themselves by reading books, but nowadays they just have to download the Daily Mail app and they are suddenly political geniuses with a specialism in constitutional law. Now isn’t that something?

Hope that helps,