Ask Holly: Should I give mental Mumsnet ladies a taste of The Balls?

Dear Holly,

I always suspected that my meaty jaw, toupee-looking hair and testicular surname made me the sexiest man in the Commons, and now all those mental women on Mumsnet want some of my slow burning love. Should I jack in this MP malarkey and join the Chippendales to give these riotous ladies a taste of The Balls they’ll never forget?

Ed Balls

Westminster

Dear Ed,

You should certainly never be a teacher with a name like that. We had a supply teacher once, called Angela Clutterbuck who was stupid enough not to change her name before entering a classroom of ten year-old children. By the time she moved on she had endured considerable psychological damage and, after a period of recovery, is now operating under a different name.

Hope that helps!

Holly