Dear Holly, I haven’t done my Brexit homework, yours, Amber Rudd

Dear Holly,
I could just kick myself. You know that annoying feeling when Nigel Farage says that EU migration is a big problem and you can’t think of anything so you just say “meep”. And then there’s a referendum and people vote Brexit and then a few months later you’re watching Antiques Road Trip with tea and a ginger nut when suddenly it comes to you – what you meant was “let’s formally investigate this issue and use our findings as an evidence base on which the British public can make an informed, reasoned decision.” Do you reckon I got away with it?


Dear Amber,
If someone is saying horrible stuff to you and you’ve been playing too much Minecraft on the iPad to articulate a witty retort, wipe a bogie hastily on their arm then sharply pull their Spider-Man underpants up as high as you possibly can until they are crying for mercy. Eventually you can let go and look down with disdain at them, snivelling and writhing around on the ground, this playtime’s victim. No words required.
Hope that helps,