I just want to wear a leotard and a sparkly cape

Dear Holly,

I was initially delighted to be asked to be global ambassador for the WWF, but gutted when I discovered it’s about wildlife not wrestling. I just want to wear a leotard and a sparkly cape and jump on someone’s neck shouting ‘game, set and match, asshole!’ Is that too much to ask?

Andy Murray

London

Dear Andy,

The rule is: never volunteer to do anything a grown-up asks you to do, no matter how tempting they make it sound, because it will NEVER involve fun stuff like eating loads of sweets, jumping on bouncy things or experimenting with fire, but ALWAYS result in eating something vile like cabbage, hanging about with an old person who smells of wee, or doing something incredibly BORING like going to B&Q and looking at light fittings for the entire afternoon.

Hope that helps,

Holly