I’ve realised Justin Bieber is an utter jobby-head

Dear Holly,

I think I have fallen out of love with my husband. It’s a sad realisation, but it cannot be ignored that he is an enormous git. Is it ok if I just stop returning his calls?

Janine,

Dover

hollybodyDear Janine,

I know how you feel. I was in love with Justin Bieber until I realised he is a total and utter jobby-head. Once I was a devoted Belieber, spending every waking hour looking at Justin’s Instagram feed, swooning over endless photos of him looking like a lesbian on a Segway. It didn’t matter that he was into Jesus, I just wanted to throw myself on him and lick his enormous purple 80s sneaker boots and gasp in love-struck awe at his zebra print leisure pants. But then he started getting all huffy on Twitter and wearing gas-masks and playing his Gameboy when he was supposed to be performing. All of a sudden the global Bieber love spell was broken, and we all saw him for what he was: a massive Canadian tit. If you look at it like that, he’s no different from Bryan Adams, and that is the most chilling thought of all.

Hope that helps,

Holly