My old pal Roy Keane isn’t talking to me

Dear Holly,

For some reason, my old pal Roy Keane isn’t talking to me. I’ve left several voicemails but he’s clearly blanking me. The other day I’m sure I saw him giving me the victory sign in Asda, but I can’t be sure as I’d left my glasses at home. I can’t for the life of me think what his problem is.

Alex Ferguson


holly2111111Dear Alex,

You need to be careful what you write about people, especially if it’s in a personal notebook with ‘Top secret diary’ written on it and you’ve accidentally dropped it in the playground. Because if this were to get into the wrong hands, you might find that the entire class is suddenly aware of your dreadful bum problems and is waiting with anticipation to hear the next instalment about your conflicting feelings when you watch films with Keira Knightley in.

Hope that helps!