My lesbian porn stash has been discovered, am I going to Hell?

Dear Holly,

I’m quite embarrassed as my stash of lesbian porn has been discovered. My wife won’t mind but Jesus probably will. Am I going to hell?

Charlie Brooks

Chipping Norton

holly2111111Dear Charlie,

Perhaps a more important question is why are all lady PE teachers lesbians? Is it part of the requisite training for the job? Or something to do with wearing sportswear all day long? I’ve always wondered. As for nudey books, why would you need a secret stash when you can just watch MTV? My granny says the minds of little girls today are being warped by the likes of Rhianna and Beyoncé, who are nothing more than porn stars themselves… but then again she also thinks Jeremy Paxman is the Prime Minister.

Hope that helps!

Holly