Devon launches 'Absolutely crawling with beaver' tourism campaign

DEVON is promoting itself as the top holiday destination for lovers of beaver.

The county’s tourist board is using the slogans ‘So much beaver it’s mental’ and ‘Our beaver is ready to play’ to advertise the sighting of a beaver on its riverbanks.

A spokesman said: “Obviously for a lot of holidaymakers the top priority is beaver. Lots and lots of beaver.

“Can they see beaver up close? Really get involved with the wet, wild beaver?

“If you’re coming to Devon for the beaver, you’re coming to the right place.

“Because a beaver lives here.”

Teacher Roy Hobbs said: “I quite like beavers but personally I’m more excited by sleek otters and big muscular bears.

“Not because I’m homosexual, it’s just that as a keen amateur naturalist I find carnivores more interesting.”

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Police to tackle ‘concerted indiscipline’ with ‘concerted hydration’

THE police could soon deploy maximised hydration techniques to stop concerted indiscipline by Britain’s social stakeholders.

The force wants to de-incentivise negative street-based behaviour patterns using a high-impact, customer-facing water delivery strategy.

The Metropolitan Police said it will outsource its hydro-dynamic action plan to security consultants G4S, to ensure the holistic implementation of pro-active dispersal.

A G4S spokesman said: “In the event of concerted indiscipline the police need a range of operational techniques that result in highly effective levels of physical impactfulness.

“The high speed water delivery strategy can also be utilised alongside established methods such as cranial-focused truncheonisation.”