The most powerful wedgie ever performed
The most important qualities for a leader are a belief in organic farming, a disdain for modern architecture and a talent for watercolour landscapes. Unfortunately Ive been caught slagging off Vladimir Putin as a man with none of these attributes and even compared him unfavourably to Hitler, who at least did the watercolours. Now he’s coming to get me. I’m scared.
There’s nothing worse than knowing the biggest bully in school is gunning for you and has told everyone that when he finds you he will cut you clean in half with the most powerful wedgie ever performed on a human being. You are forced to change your hairstyle, wear dark glasses and avoid the playground at all costs. The worst part about it all is living in a constant state of high alert, never too sure when the fateful blow will fall. Best thing to do is face the situation head on rather than spend the rest of the school year hiding in the PE cupboard at playtime. Stand tall, don’t let the bully intimidate you and, most importantly of all: go commando.
Hope that helps!