What the hell is wrong with everyone?

Dear Holly,

I’m getting fed up of people not listening properly to me. Every year I say ‘get me the finest minds in British Industry’ and every year I am presented with sixteen utter bell-ends. What the hell is wrong with everyone?

King Alan Sugar

London

holly2111111Dear Alan,

Blame the media for giving you false expectations. People with fine minds don’t exist so you have to make do with the depressing reality. I used to believe that one day I’d meet a dream boy like Harry Styles with impeccable manners and impossibly tousled hair and a smile to make my heart melt. And yet I look around the playground and all I see for miles around are fat spotty boys who think it’s funny to wipe snot on your back and roll about the floor making pathetic machine gun noises. On telly Justin Bieber might croon you a ballad; in reality he will probably do that thing where he makes his armpit fart the tune to Eastenders.

Hope that helps!

Holly