Britain now stupid enough to emulate Kerry Katona

BRITAIN’S average intellect is now so low that Kerry Katona could be seen as a role model.

The Advertising Standards Authority banned an advert for payday loans featuring the former bankrupt mess after it emerged it had encouraged some people to take out a payday loan.

A spokesman said: “We originally approved the advert because we genuinely believed Kerry Katona’s endorsement would kill off the payday loan industry for ever.

“We hoped that the sort of cretin who thinks a payday loan is a good idea would have no choice but to reconsider their position. Surely nothing hammers home the abject wrongness of something more decisively than the Katona stamp of approval?

“Apparently not.”

The ASA said Britain is now so dangerously unintelligent that it will have to ban any advert that features something that is not real.

The spokesman added: “You simply could not produce the Tango ads today. Millions of people would stay indoors for fear of being slapped in the face by a fat – but incredibly fast – semi-naked orange maniac.

“And those Coco-Pops adverts with the talking cartoon monkey must be absolutely terrifying.”

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Apprentice contestants fail 'don't be twats' challenge

CONTENDERS on BBC1’s The Apprentice have unanimously failed a task where they were asked to not behave like twats.

‘Sirralan’ Sugar split the hopefuls into two teams and told them, “Just sit there and don’t do anything twattish, for five fucking minutes.”

But within six seconds they were talking over each other, being pointlessly aggressive and holding their mobile phones in a weird pretentious manner.

Apprentice hopeful and ‘communications entrepreneur’ Roy Hobbs said: “All I said was ‘I have massive balls like a moose’, then I got fired.

“I wasn’t being a twat, I actually have a rare medical condition.”