Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
Money is really tight at the moment, due to the credit crunch, and I was hoping you could offer me some tips to save money. Once I've paid my Sky subscription, stocked up on fags, and paid for my 20 lines on the National Lottery, there's barely any cash left for other essentials, like the weekly payments on my plasma TV and designer labels for my kids. I've managed to save some money by getting our tea down the chippie every night, rather than paying through the nose for new-fangled vegetables in the supermarket, but it'd be nice to treat myself to a wee luxury now and again if I could only afford it.

Dear Cilla,
I get 10p weekly pocket money for every year I've had a birthday. That means I get a whole £1.00 every Saturday, but Daddy says I'm supposed to save it up for a rainy day. I'm not sure what he means by this, because I've never been approached by anyone asking for money when it's been raining before. I think maybe I'm already in serious debt to the Rain Fairy or something, and one day she's going to come and get me and I won't have any money to pay her with. You see, I don't tend to take my Daddy's advice, and generally I've gone out and blown the lot on penny sweets by Sunday teatime.
But I'm not unduly worried. The way I see it, whenever this Rain Fairy finally clocks how much I owe her, all my baby teeth will have fallen out and I can just trade them in for credit. You don't sound like the sort of lady who has many of her own teeth, but perhaps you can ask your children for a loan.
Hope that helps!