Are you a cat?

In the busy modern world, it’s increasingly easy to be a cat without even realising. But being a cat can change your life and mean you don’t have to have a job or bank account.

Are you a cat? Take our test to find out.

Q1 – What do you do at bedtime?

A – After a hard day at work, you wind down with a glass of wine and an episode of a new box set that you don’t really like but you’re three episodes in now so you might as well finish it.

B – You sleep wherever and whenever you want. On sheds, in clothes baskets, on your neighbour’s bed.

Q2 – What food do you like to eat?

A – Chicken korma, naan bread and a small bag of salad.

C – Mice, rats or whatever the fuck is in cat food.

Q3 – Are you a cat?

A – No, and I’m at work so can we please stop wasting time on this.

B – Meow.

If you answered mostly As then you’re a fully-fledged human being.

If you answered mostly Bs then it’s unlikely you’ll be able to read this as you’re a cat – you should probably go off and fight some other cats for no reason. 

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Stoned guys agree organised religion is bullshit but there probably is a God

TWO stoned guys have concluded there is some sort of God but that all religions are nonsense.

Tom Logan and Nathan Muir got chatting at a mutual friend’s house party last night after going into the garden to smoke marijuana.

Logan said: “Nathan said he did he just didn’t follow any kind of organised religion, which I totally agree with.

“However we both believe there is a God because if you look closely at leaves, for example, there is a mad amount of detail and symmetry.

“I suppose that leads us to thinking God exists but it’s wrong to tell large groups of people about it.”

Muir added: “It’s always nice to have a chat with someone about the likely existence of some sort of eternal creator that is keeping everything in balance, whether we can see him/her or not.

“Maybe we should start our own sort of spiritual gatherings. But then if it got popular and became an organised religion we would disagree with it.

“Also it would mean getting up on Sunday mornings, which I think we all know is the real problem.