IS YOUR partner about to dump you and ruin your life? Take our fun test and find out.
What do you and your partner like doing together?
A. Eating out, exercising, discussing current affairs.
B. Sitting in tense silence trying to avoid another blazing row about something incredibly pointless like how tall Ant and Dec are.
How would you describe your sex life?
A. Passionate and varied.
Your partner often mentions a colleague they get along with. How do you feel about this?
A. It’s great they’ve got a friend at work.
B. You strongly suspect they haven’t quite got the guts to tell you they’ve been shagging for 10 months but are ‘drip feeding’ you the information so you are prepared when they move out.
You rent a film that turns out not to be very good. What is your partner’s response?
A. “I just enjoyed snuggling up and slagging it off.”
B. “FUCK YOU AND FUCK AQUAMAN!”
What was your last birthday present from your partner?
A. Something considerate which they’re not necessarily into themselves, eg. tickets to the theatre.
B. Oven gloves, a torch keyring or some other zero-effort ‘mum and dad’ present.
What does your partner like to do on Sunday mornings?
A. A lie-in and breakfast in bed.
B. Really filthy sex with someone you don’t know in a hotel.
Mostly As. It’s unlikely you are going to be dumped unless your partner is really odd, in which case it’s probably for the best.
Mostly Bs. You are definitely going to get dumped. Go on Match.com and date any weirdo just for the satisfaction of saying, “Actually I’ve been seeing someone else too.”