Are you completely zen or just utterly lacking in personality?

DO you exude mindfulness and wisdom or are you just a very dull person with flexible limbs? Take our test and find out.

When you describe to someone in great detail how you entered the ‘flow state’ of meditation do they:

A)    Listen in hushed, respectful silence as if you were the Buddha himself.
B)    Appear to be listening but are actually asleep with their eyes shut.

Do you think practicing yoga for five hours a day makes you:

A)    Further along a spiritual path of transformation.
B)    Very self-absorbed but bendy.

Do you believe bringing a zen attitude to stressful situations is:

A)    Helpful even though it upsets other people’s super-egos.
B)    Unhelpful but at least I’m keeping my gob shut.

Does the smoky stink of incense in your house:

A)    Represent a universal prayer rising to heaven.
B)    Cover up the smell of the dog.

When you ask a friend to join you on a ten-day silent holistic wellness and craft retreat, do they:

A)    Jump at the chance to become more like you.
B)    Say they’ll think about it and then change their phone number.

Mostly As: You are completely zen, but probably still very boring.

Mostly Bs: You are just very boring.

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Student quits uni before it starts thanks to houseshare WhatsApp group

AN 18-YEAR-OLD about to begin her degree course has dropped out rather than meet the housemates from her Forest Hall Freshers! WhatsApp group. 

Francesca Johnson has thanked those she will no longer be sharing a house with for proving that university was not for her before she wasted thousands and thousands of pounds.

She said: “It’s how you do it these days. The university puts everyone who’ll be living together in touch so you can all make friends. If you like twats.

“They were all there; pass-agg girl was already sniping about how the fridge would be organised, the hard-leftist was trying to get us to a Corbyn rally as a fun freshers’ party, while the foreign student was after booking an executive box at the O2 for a K-Pop band.

“Meanwhile the girl in the long-distance relationship invited her jealous older boyfriend to the group, the stoner’s already dealing, and the posh girl wants sponsorship to go to Angkor Wat.

“Also there’s some lads who just text banter all day. Not actual banter; just the actual word, ‘BANTER’. I think they think that counts.”

“Anyway, I’ve got a job now and I’m earning money, but I’m still in the group and encouraging them to hate each other in my absence. So best of both worlds.”