Can you keep a secret or are you a little gobshite?

BEING able to keep a secret is an admirable quality, which is why most people can’t. Take our test to see if you’re a little gobshite.

What’s your definition of a secret?
A)   Information that I’m not supposed to tell anyone.
B)  Very exciting information that although could cause distress if it’s revealed makes for a way better night down the pub.

If someone tells you a secret what happens?
A)   I feel glad that I could be someone’s trusted confidant.
B)  My cheeks flush, I shout ‘YES HOT GOSS’ inside my head then say out loud ‘I won’t tell anyone’ whilst thinking of who I’m actually going to tell.

Do you tell your partner everything?
A)   No.
B)  Yes I have always told my partner absolutely everything with the exception of fancying people at work, down the gym and at the pub.

Can you actually keep a secret?
A)   Yes
B)  No I’m like Closer Magazine being edited by Lord Varys.

Mostly As: Congratulations you’re an honorable human being.
Mostly Bs: You little shit.

 

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Nation searching for woolly hat that doesn't make it look like an arsehole

THE UK has begun its annual search for a warm hat that does not make it look like a complete and utter tosser.

Across the country, Britons are attempting to balance their need to keep warm with their desire not to resemble a knitted condom, and failing.

Emma Bradford of Gravesend said: “There was a plain black one from TopShop, but when I put it on it had these two cat ears that made me look like a sad little toddler.

“Then I tried a white one that seemed unobtrusive until it caught the light and I saw it had rhinestones spelling out ‘frosty’. Why the fuck is that necessary. People know why I’m wearing a hat.

“The green one made me look like a binman. The midnight blue one made me look like a burglar. All of them made it look at least possible that I sleep on the streets.

“Basically for the next three months I’ll look like one of the fucking Flumps outside and I’ll have stupid hat hair inside. That’s the way it is.”

She added: “But I’m not going to go down the road of earmuffs. Those are the real freaks.”