IS IT good that everything is becoming more fancy?
Experts predict that by 2048 the entire planet will have been gentrified. But does that mean high-quality gourmet burgers for all, or the reinvention of long-established communities as nauseatingly self-aware twat colonies?
Make up your own mind:
No street gangs in your area apart from something called the ‘Temperley Morris Troupe’.
Being able to sell your shitty ex-council flat and buy a lake palace in India.
Well-connected locals mean there is no chance of the government building a nuclear reactor or high security prison anywhere near you.
Hipster pizzas are far nicer than the shitty school dinners-type with the spongy bread base.
Neighbour disputes never deteriorate beyond passive aggression or perhaps a mildly-worded letter to the council.
Not being the least hard person in the gym.
Areas where well-off people live are somehow less rainy.
In your ungentrified local pub, everyone wanted to punch you in the face.
In your gentrified local pub, you want to punch everyone in the face.
There’s some sort of fucking folk dancing thing on at the local town hall.
Everyone using Apple gadgets constantly, even during sex.
Children sitting on the floor in the middle of cafes, learning the complete disregard for others that will come to define them in later life.
You’ve been here for years but the new people have seen your mainstream thriller paperbacks and aren’t sure if you ‘fit in’.
Sweet Christ, do these people ever stop talking about themselves?