Roomba unveils 'Roomba for Shaving'

ROBOT vacuum cleaner company Roomba has unveiled a robot which shaves you while you sleep.

The disc-shaped robot, the size of a bar of hotel soap, glides silently over your face every night between 2am and 4am leaving you fresh for the boardroom without even glancing in the mirror.

A spokesman said: “Coming soon is the Roomba Ladyshave which will roam a woman’s entire body making sure she is pleasingly depilated like the ladies of”

But early adopter Roy Hobbs said: “The first time I used it, it decided my arse was my face and eventually I had to download some software to detach it from my scrotum.”

He added: “I’m sticking with the Dyson Hairblade, where I simply stick my face into a whirling cyclone of razor-sharp knives.”

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England fans to support Australia for rest of World Cup

ENGLAND rugby fans have vowed to cheer Australia all the way to the World Cup final.

As the host nation crashed out, England fans admitted that Australians were not just better at rugby, but were also more intelligent and better looking.

Speaking outside Twickenham, Julian Cook said: “Gosh, Australians are just so jolly impressive. So strong and fast with such big, meaty arms.

“And every one of them a gentleman.”

Cook’s friend, Martin Bishop, added: “I would like to second everything Julian has said, offer my own heart-felt congratulations and acknowledge that Australian men are simply more masculine than we English.

“I’m looking forward to adopting various aspects of Australian culture over the next few weeks, though I will of course continue to read books and use cutlery.”