Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
You're feeling great and it shows! Why is everyone pointing? Have they never seen a penis on a bus before?
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
Spend some time today taking care of small tissues around the home.
Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
Don’t play safe. Sometimes you have to ruffle some feathers to get what you want. Especially if it’s chicken sex!
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
Feel like you'll never find your true soulmate among the frogs and dullards? It’s hard to see why.
Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
You find yourself getting into arguments with just about everyone today. Yes, you do.
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
It might be wise for you to lie low a bit this week. The photofit is not perfect but it’s still a good likeness. Good job she did not get a look at your face!
Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Be generous with your time when a troubled friend needs your undivided attention. You never know, there might be a shag in it!
Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Make sure you keep the promises you make to your sweetheart. It doesn’t matter how expensive those shoes are. She won’t do that again until you buy them!
Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
Going through old emails will remind you of someone from your past, and you may feel the impulse to contact them again. Think hard! Isn’t that a breach of your probation?
Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
Your chatty nature does get on some friends' nerves occasionally but today it’s getting on everyone’s. Shut the fuck up.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Your inner beauty shines brightly, but not quite brightly enough.