Sunday, 7th June 2020

'I am launching a Facebook Fundraiser to remind you I'm nice'

I HAVE always believed that raising money for some charity or other is so important.

But I'm also worried that some of my friends may have forgotten how nice I am.

In recent weeks I’ve noticed some right twats earning brownie points and admiring comments through Facebook Fundraisers and I decided that I wanted a piece of that action.

I am launching the fundraiser just before my birthday so I can say: "I don’t want anything for my birthday - please just give some money to stroke research, or mental health, or something like that."

Hopefully I'll get a 20 percent year-on-year increase in birthday messages, and if I can raise a hundred quid for whatever thing is in the news that week that would be a lovely bonus.

I may even get an affectionate message from a woman I can then ask out for a drink.

It's just so nice to be nice.