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I don't know how I did it either, by Gareth Southgate

TO BE honest, I’m just as confused as everyone else.

From journalists to fans, the first question people have asked me over the past two weeks is: “Gareth, how did you take a team with little international experience and turn them into genuine World Cup contenders?” To be honest, I haven’t got a fucking clue.

When it came to picking the squad I was lucky, because it pretty much picked itself. Kieran Trippier is very, very good at FIFA and he always plays as Yeovil. With that combination of skill and humility he was my first choice.

I chose Jordan Pickford because I used to have a poster of Jordan in my locker, and I chose Ruben Loftus-Cheek because I used to have a tortoise called Ruben Loftus-Cheek.

Also, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Harry Kane is very tall. I put him up front so he can get the ball when it’s higher. Harry Maguire is tall as well, so I put him down the back so he can get the ball when it’s higher but down the back.

I’ve just noticed that they’re both called Harry! Maybe it’s that?

Anyway, we’ve just got to concentrate on getting past Croatia and then it’s the World Cup final. If I find out how I got us this far, I’ll let you know.

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Man thinking about training for marathon drives three minutes to Tesco for pint of milk again

A MAN who claims he is seriously considering a 26 mile run can barely get off his arse to walk to the shops.

Martin Bishop has told friends and family that he plans to enter the Brighton Marathon next year, even though the last time he properly exercised was when running after an ice cream van in 1998.

Bishop’s partner Emma Bradshaw said: “Whilst I’m glad Martin is thinking about doing something that might stop him turning from ‘slightly chunky’ into ‘big fat tit’, this is delusional.

“He seems to be under the impression that talking about doing it is the same as doing it. It’s the same attitude that he has applied to proposing to me, and I’ve got one foot out the door, if I’m honest.”

Bishop said: “Look, I have bought a Fitbit.”

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