‘If only the youth of today looked up to Liam Gallagher’

By Tom Logan

THE class of primary schoolchildren questioning Liam Gallagher yesterday made me smile, but it also made me sad. 

So many of them had no idea who he was. And I think it’s unquestionably true that we wouldn’t be having all these problems with the youth of today if more of them followed Liam’s heroic example.

I’m 38 and throughout my life, through my difficult career as a fireplace salesman, through that unfortunate prison stint, through two failed marriages, I have always followed one guiding star. 

Liam has never let me down. He’s always been true to himself. He hasn’t let the world change him, no matter how hard it’s tried. 

And in the difficult moments of my life, for example when I’m ready to lamp my brother-in-law for firing me, when I’m pulled over by the police while high on cocaine, when a bird in a club’s giving me the eye while the wife’s at the bar, I ask myself a very simple question: ‘What would Liam do?’.

While I can’t say it’s kept me out of trouble – quite the opposite – I have few regrets. 

So when I meet young people, I tell them to ditch their pathetic heroes like Harry Kane and Malala. I tell them to instead follow a 45-year-old football hooligan and drug abuser who fucked up the only lucky break he ever had. 

And if they say no, I knock them down. I won’t be having no disrespect.

As you were.