WITH shopping to do and parties to go to, it’s easy to forget the true meaning of Christmas – international socialism. Here’s how to have a left-wing festive season.
Avoid militarist films
Reject capitalist war profiteering by not watching militarist propaganda like The Great Escape. I will also be avoiding superhero films due to their sickening elitism.
Have a marrow-based dinner
I love having people over for a sumptuous Christmas dinner, so I’ll be making my famous boiled marrow. Make sure your guests definitely get the invitation or there’s a danger no one will turn up, like last year.
Buy left-wing presents
Everyone loves socialist Christmas presents. This year I’m getting my wife a fascinating book I discovered called From Nye Bevan to Neoliberalism: Changing Economic Challenges Facing the Modern Welfare State. At 804 pages it’ll last a lot longer than a bottle of Chanel No. 5!
Be ‘revolutionary’ with your tree
Instead of a fairy on top of your tree, challenge bourgeois conservatism and put a scowling figure of Leon Trotsky up there.
Don’t forget the young socialists!
This year all my young relatives will be getting action figures from a wonderful non-profit socialist toy shop I found in Islington. I can’t wait to see them having adventures with Bearded 1980s CND Man and Earnest Middle Class Activist Woman.
Leave something out for Santa
On Christmas Eve I leave out 10 carrots and 10 mince pies to encourage Santa to share profits equally among his reindeer workforce.