Which Greek god are you? 

YOU know which Friends character, zoo animal and type of biscuit you are, but what Greek god are you? You might as well find out.

– Do you take long baths, drink lots of water, enjoy swimming and always find yourself cheering on the gladiator with a net and trident? Then you are POSEIDON, god of the sea, ruler of seven-tenths of the globe. Act accordingly. 

– Are you always to be found in Wetherspoons pissed up, singing and chatting up women despite your incredibly hairy legs and goaty reek? Then you are PAN, and you are more successful with the ladies than you would expect. 

– Is your life a series of bullshit tasks, in at least one case literally, given to you by your superiors who do nothing but fuck around on clouds drinking wine and messing around with people as a game? You are HERCULES, and it sucks. 

– Are you a bicycle courier with wings tattooed on your ankles, tiny genitals and a really stupid hat? Then you are HERMES, messenger of the Gods, necessary to the plot but not exciting. 

– Are you continually having affairs with women in the guise of a white bull, a golden shower of rain or a network solutions salesman living in Wigan? You are ZEUS, and should honestly try to keep it in your pants sometimes. 

– Do you wield an enchanted hammer, control the thunder and rain, protect Midgard and have an evil half-brother called Loki? You are THOR, and should fuck off back to your own pantheon.

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Kids deliberately hold in piss until least convenient time

CHILDREN deliberately hold in all their piss until they are in a restaurant, car or swimming pool, it has been confirmed.

Researchers found that rather than go to the toilet when the need arises, under sevens prefer to wait until they have a full-to-bursting bladder where it is a huge problem.

Four-year-old Mary Fisher said: “I once drank four pints of water and then deliberately didn’t wee for three days before a trip to Cornwall.

“I pissed in every single service station on the M5. I went in bushes, laybys and in my dad’s reusable coffee cup. Best day ever.”

Daisy’s mother Emma said: “If we eat out she will always needs to go as soon as the food arrives, then she’ll have at least six more during the meal – which inevitably ends up going cold.

“If we don’t take her to the toilet and she pisses her pants, it’s all on us and she knows it.

Professor Henry Brubaker from the Institute for Studies said: “We thought children had weaker bladders. In fact they piss strategically to assert their dominance over adults, and also because they love dicking about with hand-dryers.”