Monday, 8th March 2021

Britain divided between people who hate family Christmases and idiots

THE UK is divided 50-50 between people who would prefer to spend Christmas day alone or with trusted friends, and idiots who thrive on the stress the day brings.

Tom Logan believes the civil relationship he enjoys with his family is due to not having spent Christmas with them in 12 years.

Logan said: “I don’t want to be force-fed loads of food that’ll be lodged in my intestine for months, or be goaded by my Brexiter brother-in-law after he’s drunk on a whole glass of wine.

“So my wife and I don’t see them. We eat a pizza for Christmas lunch and then spend the day watching telly with no one trying to force us into playing a game of Trivial Pursuit that was purchased in 1986. It’s bliss.”

Logan’s brother-in-law Roy Hobbs said: “We do Christmas properly. Massive lunch that takes hours to prepare and 15 minutes to eat, too much booze and everyone forced to stand for the national anthem after the Queen’s Speech.

“It’s a shame Tom doesn’t come anymore as the day just isn’t the same without a blazing row about politics that leaves someone crying.”