How to get rid of your awful Secret Santa present

HAVE you ended up with yet another bit of useless old tat in your workplace Secret Santa? Here’s how to ditch it quickly.

Wrap it back up and give it to someone else

The posh name for this is ‘re-gifting’. You have to pretend you’ve bought it new though, otherwise it’s like saying “I value our friendship as much as a secondhand mug in the shape of a toilet some idiot at work thought was hilarious.”

‘Lose’ it

If it’s a small item you can ‘accidentally’ leave it somewhere, like on a train. If your Secret Santa takes place at a Christmas party this will be easy, as you’ll probably get so plastered you’ll genuinely lose it anyway, along with your iPhone and keys.

Stick it in your desk drawer for next year

Offer an insincere ‘thank you’ and put the pointless ceramic frog or whatever it is straight in your drawer. Next year simply drag it back out from the depths, wrap it up again and inflict it on some other loser at work. 

Give it to a charity shop

Charity shops will already be overwhelmed with novelty Christmas pants and Prosecco-flavoured bubble bath, but don’t let that stop you feeling virtuous and that you’ve really done your bit to end poverty. 

Just bin it

You don’t care about it. The person who gave it to you doesn’t care if you like it. Just put it in the bin. In fact suggest doing this with all the gifts at your next Secret Santa. Your colleagues will thank you.

 

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This lowers the standard for impeachment, say Republicans who did it over a blowjob

REPUBLICANS have argued that Trump’s impeachment has lowered the standard for impeachment from its previous high point of an Oval Office chewy. 

The party is furious at Democrats for impeaching Trump for abusing the power of his office to investigate a political opponent, when it should be reserved for national-security-threatening suckings-off. 

Republican leader Mitch McConnell said: “The president has not placed his penis in the mouths of any women he is not married to. Well he has, but that’s not the issue here. 

“Impeachment is a serious process that should be reserved for serious crimes. Anything from first base – touching the breasts under the clothes – to third base, which as we established in the 90s, is a blowjob. 

“So the president stopped aid to Ukraine unless they got dirt on Joe Biden. Big deal. I don’t see any oral stimulation in that mix, so the Senate must acquit.” 

Fox news anchor Steve Doocy agreed: “Trump did not even get his johnson wet. This is a travesty of justice. 

“But we have new evidence that in 2004 Hillary Clinton got her nipples tweaked while in office as senator for New York. We’re calling for the death penalty.”