Saturday, 24th October 2020

It's time to stop d*cking about with your ankles out now, hipsters told

HIPSTERS who are still wearing shoes without socks have been told to pack it in because it is winter and they look like twats.

Despite icy weather and water from dirty puddles soaking into their ill-suited footwear, trendy idiots are desperately pretending it is still summer even though they cannot feel their feet.

Hipster Tom Booker said: “Looking cool is definitely more important to me than having warm, dry feet. I’m prepared to suffer for fashion, despite the fact that the only people who admire my cashmere espadrilles are b*llends like me.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Hipsters appear to enjoy dressing like Dickensian urchins in battered shoes with holes in and threadbare coats, even though we live in an age of Gore-Tex.

“It’s tempting to tell them to put some f**king socks and proper shoes on, but on balance it may be more enjoyable to just sneer at them.

“We’re watching closely to see if lots of them catch pneumonia and die. It may be a modern form of natural selection.”