Man embarks on month-long trek through Christmas market

A MAN has set out on an exhausting one-month trek through streets lined with wooden cabins selling overpriced tat.

Nathan Muir popped out for a quick look round his local Christmas market at the weekend but is not expected to return home until the end of December at the earliest.

Muir said: “I forgot about the shuffling crowds of dead-eyed shoppers who make browsing Christmas markets as pleasant as wading through dung.

“I’m trapped in a maze of mulled wine stands, ‘currywurst’ stalls, and sheds filled with crap nobody needs, like wooden bow ties.

“I may also choke to death on all the fake snow.”

Muir’s wife Sarah said: “If he isn’t back by the start of January I’ll cut my losses and settle down with whoever I accidentally shag at the office party.”

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Woman who accidentally liked ex-boyfriend's photo takes 25-year social media break

A WOMAN whose finger slipped while scrolling through her ex-boyfriend’s Instagram has announced she is taking a social media sabbatical until 2044. 

Nikki Hollis had been aggressively researching her former partner’s Instagram posts and was reviewing his activities in May 2017 when she accidentally pressed the like button on a photo of him enjoying an ice-cream.

She said: “When I saw the little heart come up I knew I was f*cked.

“If it’d been a recent photo no problem, I could’ve used the whole ‘it just appeared in my feed’ thing, but two-and-a-half years ago, no way. He knows full well I was taking a deep dive.

“I can’t even pretend I was liking it as a friend because he knows I think he’s a wanker. And there’s no hope of him not seeing it, because he’s a vain twat posting on there 24-7.

“So I’ve announced on my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts that I’m taking a break from social media for my mental health and also because it’s boring and I’m over it.

“Twenty-five years should be long enough for everyone to forget what I did. Perhaps there won’t even be social media, or phones, or electricity by then.”

Hollis is expected to return to social media by 3pm tomorrow.