FEARLESS investigative right-wing journalists have once again managed to stop a conspiracy to cancel Christmas.
A cabal of militant Muslims, Labour councils and do-gooders wanted to ban the festive season, meaning that any reference to baby Jesus or Santa would have been somehow forbidden and putting up decorations would result in criminal proceedings.
But thanks to the efforts of angry tabloid columnists working closely with journalists at The Telegraph and The Sunday Times, none of these things materialised in any form whatsoever.
Telegraph reporter Tom Booker said: “Every year it gets worse. If these plotters had their way it wouldn’t be ‘Christmas’, it’d be ‘Wokemas’, ‘Muslim-mas’ or ‘Corbynmas’.
“Luckily we found a way to stop the town hall Talibans and Britain-hating liberals – we pulled the whole thing completely out of our arses. There’s no more effective way to stop something happening than it not existing in the first place.
“That’s how we stole a march on the PC-Remoaner-Islamist brigade. Rather than talk to any of them – they’d just deny everything like they do every year – we focus very much on what we think they’re planning.
“I’m pretty they want Rudolph to wear a burqa this year. I definitely imagined that.
“And that’s how Christmas was saved by tireless, underpaid voices in the wilderness like Richard Littlejohn, Julie Burchill and me. So merry Christmas, one and all, except asylum seekers.”