A MAN employed as Santa Claus in a shopping centre only took the job to shag single mothers, he has admitted.
Believing it would be the perfect opportunity for sex with lone parents, Stephen Malley, 47, applied for the role at an underwhelming grotto in Croydon, quickly racking up the record number of complaints for a UK-based Santa impersonator.
Describing his motives, Malley said: “Some of the ladies might initially question why they’d want to shag a man with only unreliable, seasonal employment as Father Christmas, who sleeps in his car.
“But when they see how good I am with their shitty children, they’ll be putty in my hands. Instead of calling me ‘Saint Nick’, these honeys will call me ‘Saint Dick’. This Santa will be knee-deep in poontang all Christmas.”
Mum Susan Traherne said: “The man asked my son, Oscar, what he wanted for Christmas this year. Then he winked at me in a sleazy way.
“He smelt of stale cider and there were cigarette burns on his red trousers. Santa’s for the kiddies, I don’t think he should be asking women if there’s ‘a bloke on the scene’. Then he said something about wanting to come down my chimney.
“Naturally I asked for a refund. And for Santa to be reported to the police.”
As he was escorted from the shopping centre by security, Malley said: “Luckily I put my phone number in the cheapo gifts I gave to the kids of the hottest ones.
“Santa’s definitely going to be emptying his sack before long, if you catch my drift.”