‘Turn that f**king Christmas song off’ declares any rational human being
ANY sane human should immediately demand that Christmas songs be turned off, scientists have confirmed.
The Institute for Studies found it was entirely normal to reject Christmas tunes after decades of being punished by mediocre sing-song hits, often involving sleigh bells.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “With the days leading up to Christmas being a full-on deluge of shit you’ve heard about 2,000 times before it’s reasonable not to want to hear them again.
“Commercials are already playing them, as are do-gooder carol singers in the foyers of every shopping centre across the country, so why add to the pain by listening to them by choice?
“Next time someone in the office starts playing that bloody Mariah Carey song you are well within your rights to throw the radio out of the window without further explanation.
“If they ask why, tell them science said you could. Although don’t do it if it’s that one about stopping the cavalry. That’s alright.”
Christmas song fan Emma Bradford said: “Just like the song says, I too wish it could be Christmas every day.
“By which I mean, cold, wet and surrounded by people who generally annoy me.”