THE storyline of the latest BT adverts will follow the previous couple’s son as he spirals into a pit of murderous drug-fuelled sexual obsession.
Four deadly spikes and no buffering
In the forthcoming commercials Joe, teenage son of the older woman who hooked up with the scarecrow-ish dick from My Family, leaves home and falls into a deadly broadband-based love triangle.
Mentally unhinged by the awfulness of his parents, first-year student Joe becomes obsessed with beautiful housemate Anna. He secretly installs webcams in her bedroom, watching her undress via his super-fast BT broadband connection.
The plot takes a violent turn when Joe returns home following a four-day crystal meth bender to find Anna kissing floppy-haired fellow housemate and love rival Simon.
Without saying a word, the glassy-eyed fresher goes calmly to his room and returns with a pitchfork, plunging it into Simon’s chest while repeatedly screaming ‘now you are mine, now you are mine, temptress whore’.
Subsequent adverts will follow Joe as he uses BT Infinity broadband internet to stalk terrified Anna, who flees to Tangier.
A BT spokesman said: “Customer feedback about the previous slew of adverts said people wanted more impalement and suffering.
“As a bonus we also get to see Joe masturbating furiously on a fire escape, while crying.”