After the fourth pint we charge you double, admit bar staff

ONCE you are half-cut we ramp up the price without you noticing, bartenders have confirmed.

Drunkards are so out of it after the fourth pint they will hand over double the asking price of a round of drinks with no questions asked.

Barmaid Nikki Hollis said: “If you’ve ever wondered where your money disappears to after a night out, now you know.

“By the time they’re staggering over for the fifth pint most people have long forgotten the going rate for a pint of Carlsberg, which is grossly overpriced to begin with.

“The hardest part is controlling ourselves as it would be easy to chuck an extra 50 quid onto a round. Of course, the rules change if they’re still buying drinks after the 10th pint. We call that ‘open season’.”

Covent Garden-based barfly Nathan Muir said: “£38 for a pint of London Pride? Bargain.”

Consider subscribing - so we can write more funny content. .js-article{ display:none;}

Couple post in-the-moment selfie that only took 89 attempts to get right

AN ADORABLE couple have posted a gorgeous, in-the-moment selfie that only took 89 attempts to get.

Nikki Hollis posted the supposedly candid shot of her and partner Tom on a beach gazing at a sunset, with a series of hashtags that did not reference the miserable hour the image took to create.

She said: “It’s such a beautiful picture. We’re both laughing and gazing off into the distance, as if we’re contemplating all the joys and adventures we have ahead.

“In reality, we were really pissed off with each other because it was a massive pain in the ar*e to get. I had to balance the camera on a rock, then run back and try look serene rather than like I’d just skidded into position and twisted my ankle.

“And then there was Tom’s face. For about 45 minutes, he seemed unable to do any other expression than ‘constipated’.”

The final shot prompted widespread eye-rolling among the couple’s friends but, crucially, 35 likes on Instagram and 63 on Facebook.

Hollis added: “We are now well into the planning stage of our next ‘natural’ shot.”

Next story ›