YOU’RE four pints in. The highlight of your evening is behind you. But is it ever ethically defensible to say ‘Right lads, I don’t want to spend another 30 quid to feel like shit, I’m off home?’ Take our quiz to find out.
Are you a killjoy?
A) I’m not a killjoy, I’ve just had enough that’s all. I don’t want to end up like last week when I went all the way to the nightclub just to be chucked out for throwing up in the smoking area.
B) You’re a fucking killjoy is what you are mate. Si, get him another drink in. Put a Jägerbomb in it.
Are you abandoning the lads?
A) The ‘lads’ are all well over 30 and can handle themselves, unlike me, who was found trying to get a night bus that turned out to be a National Express to Hull a fortnight ago. The ‘lads’ will be fine.
B) You’re abandoning the lads. You’re abandoning the team. We have to stick together in this world full of fuckers, you know that. Is that twat on the pool table looking at me?
Are you pussy-whipped?
A) I don’t have a girlfriend. She dumped me after you put photos of me with that stripper, that I don’t even remember meeting, on their WhatsApp group. I just want to be alone.
B) Pussy-whipped, he is, TCH-KOW! He must be back with her, or on a new one more like! Dirty bugger, have a drink, tell us all the details.
Mostly As: You have attempted to argue that it could be morally right to leave after four pints, but your argument has been defeated.
Mostly Bs: He tried to say he was going home, but I put a stop to that. Fucking lightweight. Where is he now? Fell in the canal? Classic.