Sunday, 9th August 2020

Cunning middle class drinkers put off going to the pub until this weekend

CLEVER middle class people are going to the pub this weekend instead, having dodged both the common folk and the rush. 

The savvy drinkers held back last weekend to allow the proles to sup their fill and spend their meagre hoard of wages on drink, in favour of going out when all is quiet.

Julian Cooke said: “You wouldn’t have caught me out last week. No way. They’d all been trapped inside for months and their houses are so small.

“But now they’ve all had their little bacchanal and caught up on the football and their other grubby interests, the moment is right for our sojourn to The Wheatsheaf.

“The bar staff will be delighted to see us after dealing with all those hollering idiots, drunk on freedom and Fosters, last weekend.

“We’ll retire to the garden, sip our drinks in a relaxed manner, and congratulate ourselves on our foresight and patience.”

Barman Jordan Gardner said: “If there’s one person I haven’t missed whilst on furlough, it’s that smug twat.”