ENGLAND is suffering an apocalyptic hangover only made worse by Scotland and Wales nagging about how irresponsible it has been.
The day after pubs opened for the first time since March, England has woken up covered in its own vomit with a stinking headache only to be lectured by its Celtic neighbours.
Scotland said: “Look, we all depend on our hospitality sector. Mine’s vital to the whole economy. But trying to kickstart it yourself just because you’re bored is bloody dangerous. And you’ve got sick in your hair.”
Wales agreed: “Hey, I’m on your side. I voted for Brexit. But this booze and reopening binge you’ve been on this last fortnight is not healthy.
“Shall we just lay off a bit and remember we’re still meant to be social distancing, yeah? We might come out for a beer with you soon, as long as you don’t get totally shitfaced again and embarrass us.”
England said: “Just wait until your pubs open, you pious bastards.”