Five great Christmas activities to ruin with a hangover

CHRISTMAS is full of fun activities, but also many opportunities to get extremely pissed. Here are some things to turn into a gruelling nightmare with a bad hangover.

A pleasant walk

Turn a stroll into an exhausting route march by drinking way too much the night before. Your system should be so knackered that every step feels like you’re wearing diving boots, and you’ll be ridiculously paranoid about passing out and ending up in A&E at this most magical time of year.

Christmas dinner

A slap-up roast dinner with all the trimmings is not only delicious but also the focal point of Christmas. Ruin this special event by feeling so nauseous all you can do is gingerly nibble at a boiled carrot while hoping everyone will somehow not notice your untouched food and obvious drink problem.

A harmless visit

You should be in an advanced state of paranoia, so that a visit from nice Auntie Jackie feels like the Gestapo have got some questions for you. Your addled brain should be going: “Why is she asking whether I’m dating at the moment? Has she guessed I’m a sexual failure who may die alone? And what does she MEAN by ‘How’s work?'”

Opening your presents

Normally an enjoyable moment, but not if all that wine, Baileys and whisky have left you in a state of suicidal existential depression. Yes, you may have been given a massive box of Thorntons, but everything in life is transient and one day everyone you love will be dead and rotted to dust, even the Elf on the Shelf.

A family Skype call

Surely you can handle a remote chat, even with a nasty hangover? Not if you’re horribly self-conscious about the sweat pouring off you and struggling to ride the waves of nausea which could cause you to virtually barf all over your cousin and her kids at any second.

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UK in race against time to spend high street vouchers before shops go bust

ACROSS Britain recipients of high street gift vouchers are desperately racing to spend them before the retailers in question go bust. 

The starting gun fired at 10am this morning, as Britons clutching vouchers for Next, Boots, Argos and even WHSmith sprinted from their homes to get to the shops before the inevitable liquidations. 

Nathan Muir of Mansfield said: “The first rumours of River Island going bust were on local radio before I left the house. It’s a race against the clock. 

“It’s become an annual event, whether you’re doing a DVD trolley-dash round HMV or frantically ransacking the shelves for Nerf guns at Toys R Us. It’s more a sport than shopping. 

“Will my wife make it to Ann Summers before the receivers do? Will all the copies of Call of Duty have gone by the time I reach Game, and I’ll have to buy Cyberpunk 2077 or some bullshit? 

“If you don’t act fast then that plastic card given to you by a thoughtless auntie will be worthless, or worse only redeemable at shops owned by Mike Ashley.”