Five great hangover cures by people who don't get that pissed

DO you like reading about implausible hangover cures for lockdown drinking? Here various lightweights describe their cures that won’t touch a proper hangover.

Martin Bishop, recruitment consultant

When I’ve got a stonking hangover after three cans of Carling, I make a massive fry-up: eggs, bacon, beans, sausages, mushrooms, builder’s tea, the works. I’m surprised I don’t puke it all up, what with my terrible hangover. I must just have a very strong constitution.

Charlotte Phelps, interior designer

If I’ve got a hellish hangover that makes me want to die – you know, that mildly tired feeling – the only thing that works for me is a cup of coffee. Then miraculously I’m ready to face the day, even if I’m vowing never to binge-drink two glasses of wine again!

Josh Hudson, tree surgeon

It’s tricky now with lockdown, but my hangover cure is exercise. I’d set the alarm for 7am, do a 10km run, hit the home gym for a couple of hours, then have a game of five-a-side with the lads. I’ve never understood why other people with hangovers don’t do this.

Joanna Kramer, HR manager

I favour super-spicy food. I’ve got my own secret recipe: a sourdough toastie filled with pickled herrings, jalapeno peppers, tabasco sauce, stilton, curry powder, red chillies and HP sauce. It’s definitely this that gets rid of the hangover, not the fact that I never drink enough to get a wasp pissed.

Tom Logan, fitness instructor

After some serious partying, the only cure is a Bloody Mary. Mix a pint of tomato juice with Worcestershire sauce and half a teaspoon of vodka. By the evening you’ll be ready to have it large all over again with two halves of lager shandy.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Woman with pink hair disappointed to see other woman with pink hair

A FREE-THINKING woman making a bold statement with hair dye was gutted to see another woman with the same pink tint.

Lucy Parry visited the hairdresser for the radical colour makeover last month, hoping to update her personal style while also upsetting her mother and baffling her father.

Parry said: “My pink hair is about expressing my playful personality as well as my desire to be a mermaid, so I’m struggling to understand how a unique expression of my innermost self is being copied by some bitch in the queue for Morrisons.”

Rival pink-haired shopper Grace Wood-Morris said: “For me, pink hair is a statement. It’s about saying ‘I have a lot of time to sit around obsessing about my hair and I’m not afraid for everyone to know that’.

“I could use my spare time to get radicalised by the far right online or to train as a life coach, so people should be grateful all I’ve done is ordered some dye and made myself look silly.”

Parry said: “I guess now I’ll have to get an unusual and highly undesirable tattoo to stand out instead. Perhaps on my neck.”