ORDERED a pint only to discover it tastes bloody awful? Instead of sending it back, grit your teeth and suffer your way through all 20 disgusting fluid ounces with this guide.
Hold your nose
According to received wisdom, this simple trick should deactivate your taste buds and make the horrible pint you blew a fiver on more palatable. Sadly, it’s bullshit. You’ll still be able to pick up every disgusting flavour, plus you’ll look like a f**king idiot. It might trick your brain into not puking though, so it’s worth a try.
Think of a delicious pint
Knocking back a revolting pint is all about mind over matter. Forget about the fact that you’re quaffing a large quantity of what tastes like stale toilet water. Instead picture the sexiest pint with the fittest head and a bead of condensation rolling down its curved figure. Imagine how good it would feel to drink that, and don’t stop imagining it.
Invite someone else to have a taste
Don’t carry the burden of a stomach-churning pint by yourself, invite a friend to have a taste. A bloody big taste. Preferably at least three hearty mouthfuls. If they kick up a fuss, egg them on by saying you really want their considered opinion. If you’re lucky they’ll drink half of it for you. Just make sure they don’t buy you another one.
Try to get bumped into
Usually a spilled drink is grounds for a punch in the face. But if you’re struggling to work your way through a sickening pint, it’s a blessing. Hang around the bar with your drinking elbow stuck out at a precarious angle, and when someone so much as brushes your arm hurl your glass at the floor.
Down it in one
Try not to make the misery last a second longer than it needs to. Stare your enemy straight in the face, then knock it back in one swift motion before its horrific taste registers. This is the drinking equivalent of yanking off a waxing strip and is even more unpleasant, but with any luck it’ll be over in seconds. You’re free to buy a nice pint now.
