Sunday, 7th June 2020

Living life to the full 'not the same as getting p*ssed every day'

A CONTROVERSIAL new study suggests that leading a rich and full life might not necessarily involve getting sh*tfaced as often as possible.

The Institute for Studies has put forward the theory that it is possible to have a worthwhile existence while drinking as little as a half of lager a day.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “It sounds crazy, I know, but there may be such a thing as a fulfilling day that does not involve alcohol as a very large component, indeed perhaps its only component.

“If you’ve done something uplifting and enjoyable, say a country walk, common sense says you should reward yourself with several pints afterwards, otherwise what the hell was all that about?

“But now scientists are beginning to explore the theory that you could actually cut beer out of the scenario entirely. Have a cup of tea, perhaps, then go to bed early.

“You might even wake up in the morning without a hangover feeling all refreshed and positive. More research is needed to find out if this could actually happen.”

However rival researcher Professor Norman Steele said: “The study is clearly flawed. Alcohol is necessary for the enjoyment of everything, from watching TV to the miraculous birth of your child.”