London pub replaced by ironic replica of itself

THE closure of a much-loved East End pub to make way for an ironic replica of itself has been greeted with widespread protests.

A Shoreditch fixture since the 1890s, the Angel & Crown is known for its red velvet bar stools, flock wallpaper and local ales, plus a menu that includes pies, jellied eels and fish and chips.

However, the premises have now been gutted and refurbished with vintage flock wallpaper and antique red velvet barstools, with “Angel & Crown” owner Tom Booker promising locally-sourced ales and a retro menu of pies, jellied eels and fish ’n’ chips.

Booker said: “Using original photographs of the pub in its heyday, we’ve created an authentic pub experience which is actually a hugely postmodern experience of planting the past in the present day.

“There’s ‘darts’, there’s a ‘busty barmaid’ who you can ‘flirt’ with, there’s a piano in the corner for if anyone wants to have a ‘Cockney knees-up’, and on Saturdays we have an ironic strip-show where we collect ‘quids’ in a ‘pint-pot’.

“Ooh. I’ve come over all Danny Dyer.”

Booker added: “We’re doing a roaring trade of hipsters costumed as builders and taxi-drivers being ironically racist. They never laugh, but that’s how I know they’re in on the joke.”

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May announces tough sanctions on Jeremy Corbyn

THE prime minister has announced strict new sanctions against Jeremy Corbyn. 

The Labour leader has had his Russian passport confiscated, has been banned from appearing on Russia Today and will not be allowed to attend the World Cup in Russia later this year.

Theresa May said: “We cannot prove that Corbyn was directly involved in the attempted murder of a Russian double-agent. But, let’s face it, it’s likely.

“An attempt to expel him from the country has failed, because Putin says he has plenty of useless old Commies and does not need another one, but his attempt to subvert the Tory-rules-based order must be met with a just response.”

Corbyn said: “Neither I, nor my beloved Russia, was involved in this Russian attack on a Russian spy using Russian weapons for which Russia was unfairly blamed.

“I would have been if I had been asked, however, and honestly after all I’ve done for them it breaks my heart that they didn’t.”