Londoner recreates ordering a pint by binning a tenner

A MAN is throwing £10 notes straight in the bin to simulate the experience of buying a pint in London.

With pubs in the UK not reopening until July, Camden resident Julian Cook has been recreating the experience of drinking in central London from the comfort of his own bedsit.

Cook said: “At first during lockdown I was buying cheap Peroni four-packs and chatting to my mates on Zoom, but it just wasn’t the same as going to a bar and sinking the best part of a tenner on a flat pint of London Pride.

“I was scratching my head thinking how I could recreate the thrill of being ripped off at home, then I remembered the bin in the kitchen. It was a real lightbulb moment.

“Now when I reach for a beer I toss a scrunched-up note into the rubbish. If I’m grabbing a packet of crisps I chuck a fiver on top just to be on the safe side. If I have a burger and oven chips for dinner that’s another 17 quid at least.

“Once I figure out how to replicate a tense but supposedly welcoming atmosphere I don’t think I’ll need to go back to a real pub ever again.”

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Taxpayers back paint job for Johnson's plane as long as it's a cock

TAXPAYERS are happy to fund the paint job on Boris Johnson’s plane as long as it is a picture of a large cock and balls. 

Britons confirmed they would happily pay the estimated £900,000 cost and more if the prime minister was constantly associated with a massive penis.

Martin Bishop said: “These are difficult times and I think Boris travelling on a giant penis when he visits other world leaders would lift the spirit of the nation.

“A giant cock away in the clouds is the perfect way to represent both Boris Johnson and the UK government at the moment. And possibly the people who voted for them.”      

Donna Sheridan agreed: “It’s much more practical than a Union Jack. Whenever Boris lands for trade talks or EU negotiations, everyone will know what sort of person they’re dealing with.

“And of course hungry children, NHS workers and people who’ve lost their jobs have been crying out for Johnson to brighten up his plane so they’ll be over the moon.”