A MAN taking the edge off the bank holiday heatwave by drinking pint after pint of refreshing cold lager cannot imagine how it could backfire.
Jordan Gardner walked into town to pick up a few things, got a bit hot and sweaty, and is currently halfway down his third frosty pint while still believing this to be a great idea.
He said: “On scorching days like this it’s important to stay hydrated, which is why I’m playing it safe by knocking back litres of crisp, yeasty syrup like it’s going out of fashion. It’s the responsible thing to do.
“I also skipped breakfast, which I think is helping my body feel the benefits of this nectar as soon as possible. And judging by the effervescent sensation in my guts, I think it’s already starting to kick in.
“If I keep up a steady pace I should maintain a low body temperature. I’ve done this before so I know what I’m doing, although I can’t remember how that panned out. Drawing a blank for some reason.”
Barmaid Donna Sheridan said: “Yeah, he’s back, just like at Easter. Two more pints and we’ll turf him out. Wonder if he’ll make it home before he shits himself?”