Sunday, 9th May 2021

Man stupidly asks elderly parents to buy wine

A MAN foolishly asked his parents who rarely drink alcohol to buy a bottle of wine after forgetting they would fuck it up.

While visiting his parents, Tom Logan asked them to pick up “a bottle of Merlot or just any red wine for about a fiver”, not realising the chaos this nigh-on impossible task would bring.

Sales manager Logan said: “After doing some gardening for the folks I thought it would be relaxing to have a few of glasses of wine. How fucking wrong was I.

“First I got a call from Mum on her mobile saying Sainsbury’s didn’t sell wine. I said I was sure they did, and eventually worked out they were in the soft drinks and cordial aisle.

“A few minutes later I got another call saying they ‘hadn’t got the wine you wanted’ and they were trying somewhere else. Later I discovered they were looking for a brand called ‘Merlin Wine’.

“Mum said they were going to the wine shop. I said they really didn’t need to but they insisted. Then I realised they meant The Wine Shop, the local corner shop that sells dangerous toys.

“Finally they arrived back all flustered with a bottle of something called ‘Grayson’s Tonic Wine’. I’d never had iodine-flavoured wine before but at least it was alcoholic.

“It tasted of what I imagine long-dead mice do so I put a splash of lemonade in. Then I realised it was 0.5% alcohol and poured the whole lot down the sink.”