Microbrewery slammed for beer that tastes nice

A MICROBREWERY has been condemned by craft beer enthusiasts for brewing a beer widely popular for its pleasant taste. 

The Grain Tree’s Grain Tree IPA has has attracted normal people to the brewpub for unpretentious evenings getting wrecked, and regulars are furious.

Stephen Malley, who waxes his moustache and wears biker jeans, said: “Why has a respected microbrewery sold out like this?

“Beer’s not ‘nice’. It’s supposed to be challenging, like trying to fit through the head of a tennis racket or putting your hand in a bonfire.

“I bring friends in here for an easy drinking AM wheat beer, which should be like Weetabix dissolved in urine, and instead they’re drinking something palatable and coming back with their mates?”

Joe Turner, who has a square goatee and runs a nanobrewery pop-up in his garage, agreed: “They were selling several crates a year to the US and Canada. Now that exclusivity’s ruined. Senseless.”

Customer Helen Archer said: “The stuff you get here usually tastes like nails or blood. This one tastes like beer. Might have another.”

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Woman on maternity leave has insane business idea

A WOMAN desperate not to go back to work after maternity leave has come up with an utterly insane business idea and actually wants to do it.

Eleanor Shaw’s husband Joe said: “Apparently she really does want to give up the financial security of her job in IT in order to sell cupcakes on the internet.

“All I did was point out the icing would get squashed in the post, and suggest that choosing ribbon for the boxes was not the same as doing a full business viability assessment, but she started to cry and said I was trying to ‘crush her dream’.

“I pointed out that it would mean even more time away from the baby, building her brand and doing tedious, exhausting social media bullsh*t, but she cried again.

“I know she was stressed and grumpy before, but at least she earned a grand a week.”