IF you’ve overindulged on Christmas Day, avoiding a hangover on Boxing Day will be a challenge needing a creative solution. Try these:
Hair of the dog
It’s not a hangover if you’re still drunk. Opening a bottle of breakfast Bailey’s will soon numb a headache or pause the nausea, and prepare you for a morning of incessantly beeping and flashing children’s toys spouting: ‘Let’s cuddle!’ in an annoying American accent.
Convince yourself it’s a virus
It can’t be a hangover. Do a Covid test. Sticking a swab down your throat will induce vomiting, meaning you have a stomach bug too, no doubt from mixing your cheeses. Better have a full English and a lie-down with the TV remote until the illnesses pass, probably when your partner suggests a round of cocktails.
Get hypnotised
Pre-book a hypnotist to convince you you don’t have a hangover on the 26th. You’ll still feel rough, but your brain won’t accept it’s a hangover. It may be a bit disconcerting to inexplicably projectile vomit whenever you nibble a Celebration or smell a turkey sandwich, though.
Jump in a pond
Before you have time to think, race to the nearest outdoor body of water and throw yourself in. Cold water, shock, adrenaline, and a lungful of algae will purge all traces of a hangover once your screaming and vomiting stops. However, consider whether it’s worth spending a day in A&E instead of just on the sofa.
Employ a shaman
A hangover could be the work of malevolent spiritual forces. Search the internet whilst drunk to find an online shaman that will rid you of such demons. The magic works the next day when the shock of checking your bank balance shunts your hangover to the back of your mind.
Drink lots of water and go for a run
If you’re considering this the chances are you’re not a runner. Drinking lots of water may help with dehydration, but going for a run with your belly sloshing around may cause an emergency evacuation of your stomach. Still, now you’re detoxed and can start again. After all, it is Christmas.
