WANT to impress people with your sophisticated tastes? Make sure you don’t order any of these immature drinks:
Once the fuel of every youthful night out, as soon as you’re in your mid-20s Jagerbombs become a lethal poison that makes you feel like you’re having a panic attack. Don’t attempt to kid yourself and others you’re still young enough to handle that harrowing amount of caffeine and alcohol.
The only acceptable to way to consume Strongbow is from a can in a field when you are 16. This also applies to any cider that contains berries which are designed to make it palatable. If you want to be a grown up, you have to put up with the pissy taste of real booze.
WKDs are the bike stabilisers of drinking: you’re allowed them as a beginner but must ditch them as soon as you’ve had enough practice in getting shitfaced. Ordering a bottle of luminous blue, sickeningly sweet liquid makes you look like you’d be more comfortable in a Wacky Warehouse than down the pub.
Rosé is wine for people who don’t like the taste of wine, so it’s perfect for those who would rather be drinking a can of Fanta. If you can’t cope with a complex red or a dry white, both of which will give you soul-destroying hangovers the next day, you shouldn’t be drinking at all.
Baileys gets a special dispensation at Christmas, but for the rest of the year it shouldn’t be touched by anyone over 25. Although all adults would secretly like to be getting pissed on warming, chocolatey syrup rather than endless pints of nasty, tasteless lager, they will never, ever admit it.