Woman knocking back gin advent calendar at desk every morning

AN office worker with a gin advent calendar is knocking back the contents at 9am every day, colleagues have confirmed. 

HR manager Susan Traherne surprised workmates by opening the calendar, remarking that she had never tried pineapple gin before, unscrewing the cap and downing the entire bottle in one.

She said: “What? It’s an advent calendar. That’s how it works.

“I don’t see anyone complaining about Martin having his Lindor every morning, or Angie having her Celebrations. This is no different.

“I’m hardly getting smashed off two units. Just takes the edge off and gets me in the festive spirit, you know? For example, when I found out who I’d got for Secret Santa, said ‘fuck off, no way’ and everyone laughed? That was the gin.

“They’re all different flavours in nice little bottles. It’s not like I’m having a nip from a bottle of Gordon’s under the desk. Now that would be concerning. This is just counting down to Christmas.”

Colleague Tom Booker said: “She’s leaving it here at weekends, so next Monday morning she’s downing three in a row. I wish I’d thought of it.”

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Man thought parents were getting up to leave, but they were just making more tea

A MAN has stared into the abyss after believing his parents were finally leaving only for them to begin making another pot of tea. 

Nathan Muir, aged 35, admitted he allowed himself to hope his parental visit ordeal was over when his mother stood up and went into the hall, only for his dreams to be dashed when he heard the kettle going on.

He sobbed: “Surely it was obvious to everyone that we’d run out of conversation two hours ago.

“Even when she came and collected mugs I desperately pretended she was just washing them up by hand even though I’ve got a dishwasher, like old people do. But no.

“She came in with a look of reproach that she’d had to make herself her eight mug of tea in four hours, settled down in her chair and began telling me again what a lovely time I’d have had at Yvonne’s 50th, if I’d turned up.

“It’s the hope that kills you. I could almost taste the spliff.”

Mother Jackie Muir said: “I don’t know why he’s so mean with the tea. He knows his dad and me like a cup.”