16-year-old rapper writes song about giving up his life of crime

TEENAGE rapper Wayne Hayes has penned a song about how he is leaving behind his life of crime, it has emerged.

Hayes wrote For All Our Sakes about how he will no longer be the ruthless criminal king pin that he sees himself as having been for the last two or three years.

He said: “It won’t be easy as street life is the only life I know. But I’ve decided to give up ‘the game’ and concentrate on positive things like giving back to my community, helping former criminals and also doing well in my GCSEs.

“So, this song is my message to the people. If I can stop being a kind of Pablo Escobar figure, then so can they.”

He added: “A wise man once said ‘You know you can’t believe that song, rap is wrong, gangsters don’t live that long.’

“I think it was Confucius who said that. Either him or Scarface.”

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Queen very good at it, say experts

THE Queen is extremely good at being the Queen, it has been claimed. 

Experts on the monarchy agreed that Queen Elizabeth is undoubtedly the best queen Britain has had in the last 60 years, and in the top three for the whole 20th century. 

Historian Mary Fisher said: “Whether shaking hands with dignitaries, walking into a building or reading out a speech, the Queen gets it right every single time. 

“A moment imagining those duties in the hands of a less able monarch – punching dignitaries, walking into walls, reading speeches backwards – reinforces how lucky we are. 

“And, of course, she is only the latest in a hot streak of brilliant sovereigns. What fortune!” 

Roy Hobbs of Swindon said: “What about running two Queens concurrently – one in Scotland, one in England – and then we can decide which one is best and kill the other one?”